Welcome to the “School of Hard Knocks.”

Things we learn in the “School of hard knocks.”

Inevitably,within 5 years,the majority of the Pastor search committee members will regret that they recommended you as pastor.

When you were told that the church wanted you to “lead” them,they were just joking.

The grass that you thought would be green in your new pastorate turned brown after a short time.

The church will probably have pictures of all former pastors in a designated place.As the deacons lead you through the gallery,pointing out the men who have served,you will discover that each pastor caused all of the problems in the church.Don’t ever give them your picture.

When someone constantly looks down at their Bibles while you are preaching..they are not “spiritual.”They just can’t bear to look at you.

Those teenagers who were laughing and passing notes while you were preaching were actually passing notes that they were taking from your sermon.Their laughter was an expression of their joy about the sermon.Their parents believe that —why not you?

That rebellious teen-age girl who stays in the nursery every week and never attends worship services has been “called”to work with children.At least that what her mother says.If the teen has to leave the nursery the  family will move their membership to another church where the pastor loves people.

In the school of hard knocks you will never learn who “they” and “some of em”are.They are the un-named people who call the head deacon with constant complaints.They say to the deacon,”Now don’t mention my name but…..” The backslidden deacon will say at the next deacons meeting,I’ve had several phone calls lately about……You,the pastor will say,”who are they?”Backslidden deacon responds…I’d rather not say.Now you know that some of em and they are probally his wife but you can’t say it.

You will learn in the School of hard knocks that even though you may have a “Deacon’s family ministry”,your members want to see you when they are sick,If you don’t believe that -you need to be a guest on the Jay Leno show.

Enjoy the first 2 or 3 years of pastor appreciation day.After about 3 years you won’t even get a card.

In the first three years folks will say about you:

(1)First year..Our pastor is a nice Kitty cat

(2) Second year…Poor kitty cat

(3)Third year..SCAT!!!!

The person who is constantly crying out,”We’re not meeting our budget!” is secretely glad about it and thinks it is the pastor’s fault.

When someone tells you,”I really enjoyed the message”don’t ask them to give you the theme of the sermon.

When a church member says to you,”Pastor,no matter what others are saying,I’m for you..”.trouble is coming.

And the list goes on and on…For those of you who may doubt what I am saying…save this list.In a few years you’ll add to it.Welcome to the school of hard knocks.

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