Help him,Jesus!Help him,Jesus!

A faithful listener in church writes to preachers:

I always feel sorry for a preacher who is floundering’on his feet.Everybody does.There they are,talking along through a snoring sea of nodding narcoleptics,knowing they’e not cutting the mustard.Furthermore,they know we know.It’s like watching the crash and burn of an airliner in slow motion.You know where it’s all going to end and you can’t do a thing to stop it.Preachers have to fail so publicly.

I was at an Africian American service the other day when a poor monotone European-American was boring us out of our gourds.One hefty brother,toward the back of the service,kept saying,”Help him,Jesus!Help him,Jesus!”Jesus didn’t.I don’t know why Jesus didn’t help him.We all would have if we could.

Still I’ve seen it happen a lot of times.You think when they’re up there preaching God’s word,He’d help ‘um out of the mess that they sometimes get themselves in.Everybody would appreciate it.But God just kind of watches a poor sermon go up in smoke,shaking his head like the rest of us.

I’ve always wondered why,when a preacher knows he’s not doing it,why he just doesn’t bless everybody and send them off to the cafeterias early.A surgeon will stop her surgey when she knows her patient has died on the operating table. A boxer will leave the ring once the fight is over and the arena is empty.A cowboy will dismount when he knows for sure his horse is dead.Only preachers keep on preaching after they’ve run out of sermon.Darndest thing,they just won’t quit.In all my years of church–going,I’ve never heard a soul criticize preachers for preaching short sermons,only vice–versa.Anyway,if I were you,I’d quit preaching just before we quit listening.If not,don’t expect God to come down and deliver you.He won’t do it.You’ll be up there failing all by yourself with everybody lookin’ on.If you do it very often,maybe you should get another job.

———Your Audience.

From,The Empowered Communicator,by Calvin Miller(page 188)

Explore posts in the same categories: preaching, satire, Sermons, Uncategorized

5 Comments on “Help him,Jesus!Help him,Jesus!”

  1. pastorinthewoods Says:

    If I quit preaching when some quit listening I would not get past the scripture reading.

    I will say that I have killed many patients in 11 yrs.

  2. Steve Brown said to a group of seminary students,”If you are preaching and make a very good point to a congregation,you will probably get a 70 or 75 percent response.You will never get a hundred percent,because nobody makes a point that good.Some people are going to keep looking out the window.”

  3. pastorinthewoods Says:

    Wayne McDill once told us about going to a church and hearing one of his students preach. At the end he said, ” That was a good sermon.” The young pastor replied, “It was all of God.” McDill in his dry sense of humor said, “I didn’t say it was that good!”

  4. Quinn Hooks Says:

    I love Dr. McDill’s dry sense of humor 🙂

  5. Pastorinthewoods brought a good message on the Lord’s Supper at Good Hope in Wake Forest.A visiting professor,Dr.Guy, at SEBTS was in the morning service.He complimented young Easler on the message,but did not partake of the elemnts that young Easler offered him.

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