How To Attract Young Pastors To Attend The S.C.Baptist Convention.

Why do so many 40 and under pastors in S.C.avoid the SCBSC in nov?Evidently,in the words of the sheriff in the movie,Cool hand Luke,who said right before he killed Luke,”What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

I would suggest that there may be several relative,innovative,current,nonoffensive,nonthreatening,positive,ways to attract our young pastors in SC.

1.At our convention in November,have our current president,Rudy Gray,spike his hair.

2.Make sure that all speakers refer to us who are sitting in the auditorium as Dudes,Guys,or Gang.

3.Instead of saying,”Amen”,say WOW!And then have everyone to say it backwards,WOW!

4.Have leaders at the convention to encourage all pastors to “get in touch”with their feminine side.

5.Use crude language like the hero of many young pastors,Perry Noble,who recently wrote on his blog about a sunday service,”We kicked Satan in his nuts sunday.”

6.Change the names of all committees and boards to “Creative,visionary,multigenerational,gifted teams.”

7.Give a new title to Jim Austin..”Coach.”

8.Have a special room reserved at the convention for pastors 40 and younger.Serve them donuts and Starbucks coffee.Provide lap top computers for them to use  during boring,irrelevent buisness meetings about the CP Program.

9.At the end of the first session,ask all of the out of touch,traditional pastors to remove their neck ties.At the end of the second session have a neck tie burning outside in the parking lot.

10.Send out a memo to all speakers to use the word “Cool”at every opportunity when they are at the platform.

11.Have Wayne Dickard to lead us in a modern day “Christian rap song.”

12.Say a lot about money for new church starts and very little about the CP.

13.Change the name of the SC Baptist Building to the”Journey Building.”

14.At the end of the last session give an opportunity for all of the old,out of touch,irrelevent,traditional,stuck in the 1950’s pastors to come to the platform and apologize to all pastors 40 and under for our committment to the CP,and for wearing dress suits on sunday.Put a note on the stand before us that says,”Make sure your voice breaks when you beg forgiveness for not sitting on a stool when you preach.”And when you confess your sin of singing out of the Baptist hymnal,having an out of date choir,along with a piano and organ,start weeping and wailing.

I’ll see you in november.I’ll be the one with a clip on tie,white socks with dark slacks and brown shoes.

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Explore posts in the same categories: Baptist Courier, Pastors under 40, Rudy Gray, satire, SC Baptist convention, Wayne Dickard

5 Comments on “How To Attract Young Pastors To Attend The S.C.Baptist Convention.”

  1. pastorinthewoods Says:

    HOTTUB you never cease to amaze me with your satire. It’s better to laugh than to cry.

    WD WORD (NEW NAME FOR WAYNE DICKARD)SAYS EVERYBODY STOMP!

  2. chadwick Says:

    hottub,

    You are ‘boiling over,’ dude! Cool!!!! . . . Righteous! Righteous! Righteous!

    ‘Billy P’ & WD gonna rock da house!!!

    pastaindahood,

    You da man!

    c-dog


  3. No!No!C-dog,You da man!You da man under 40!
    Peace out,
    ‘Billy P’


  4. Great, great stuff. Once again, I am glad I visited you blog, hottub!!


  5. WOW, The satire is cool and right on but the truth about the condition of the convention is so sad!


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