Funny, Funny–Mentalism at Its Best: Call This Pastor

An Open Letter From the Chairman of the
Board of Deacons of the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana
February 5, 2009

To Whom It May Concern:
On November 10, 1993, Brother Hyles preached a message entitled “How to Call a Pastor.” He said that someday we would need this tape. He instructed on how the tape should be distributed and that his guidelines should be followed in calling a new pastor.

After Brother Hyles went to Heaven on February 6, 2001, our Board of Deacons met, and as acting deacon chairman, I proposed that we vote to follow Brother Hyles’ instructions exactly. The Board voted to do this and also voted that I should be the chairman of the Pulpit Committee.

Brother Hyles’ instructions were very detailed and specific, and I will outline them (for further details and also a description of our entire procedure, read “The Calling of a Pastor” by Dr. Thomas J. Vogel):

1. Call someone who believes the King James Bible is the only English Bible that is preserved word for word. Do not ask the person what he believes, because he will more than likely say, “I believe the King James Bible.” Don’t ask him if he preaches only the King James Bible, because he will just preach from it. Instead, ask the candidate if the King James Bible is the only Bible that has been preserved. No individual should be considered to ever stand behind this pulpit who does not believe the King James Bible has been preserved word for word. Find out if the candidate has any other Bibles from which he preaches. Find out if he believes any other Bible is worth using. If a candidate does not believe what we believe, he should not be called.

2. Do not consider choosing anyone who does not have the same standards, convictions, and doctrines that have been preached and that you’ve heard from behind the pulpit of First Baptist Church. (He addressed alcohol, tobacco, men’s haircuts, ladies in dresses and skirts [not trousers].) I have carefully watched the moral breakdowns that occur when people change what they believe.

3. Do not choose a Bible expositor-topical only.

4. Choose someone who yearly attends Pastors’ School.

5. Choose someone who knows and emulates the work of First Baptist Church.

6. Choose someone who puts the church above the school.

7. The church must control the schools.

8. The schools must reflect the church.

9. The pastor must lead both the church and the schools.

10. School leaders should work in the church.

11. School people must put the church first.

12. A preacher should always head Hyles-Anderson College.


Explore posts in the same categories: Fundamentalism, Jack Hyles, KJV ONLY, satire, Stories-illustrations

3 Comments on “Funny, Funny–Mentalism at Its Best: Call This Pastor”

  1. Note especially point3.Do not choose a Bible expositor—topical only.
    This is not a joke.He really meant…topical only

  2. pastorinthewoods Says:

    #3 really threw me – but many in teh SBC would probably say that-, but then I got lost in the cryptic language of the the last 9. The pastor – the schools- the church.

  3. This gave me a good laugh, Hottub! Thanks for posting it.

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