Stories and illustrations,used,abused and mis-used

Stories and illustrations I wish I never had to hear again.

1.The one about..”It is well with my soul.”From the hymn..”It is well..

2.Yellow ribbons tied around trees welcoming prodigal home.

3.Little fellow who was lost and when asked who he was replied,”I’m just nobody’s nobody.”

4.People who are killed on the way home from church because they did not come to the altar.

5.Preacher stories about plowing mules,walking to school without shoes,etc.

6.Preachers who tell how they met their wives(we don’t care).

7.Missionary story…”We’re not home yet.”

8.Preachers who talk about eating banana pudding in heaven.

9.Faith story about child jumping from a 10 story building into father’s arms…That’s trust.

10.About your trip to the holy land.PLEASE,PLEASE spare us.

Explore posts in the same categories: satire

17 Comments on “Stories and illustrations,used,abused and mis-used”

  1. Les Puryear Says:

    Hmmmm…let’s see…I’ve used numbers 1, 5, 8 (chocolate pie instead of banana pudding), and 10. How do I rate on the “preacher” scale? Tepid or boring?


  2. Les,
    I’ll reserve judgement until Nov when you speak at the Sandhill Baptist Crusade in Kershaw.

  3. pastorinthewoods Says:


    You forgot about the crocodile eating little Jimmy while he screamed, ” somebody save me!” “I knew better but I didn’t listen to my father!”

    That story is burned into my mind from that altar call at Good Hope Homecoming.

    I saw you weeping but I do not believe it was from the story.

  4. Little boys and girls had to sleep with their parents for a week after hearing that story.

  5. chadwick Says:

    #11- The man who died and had his estate put up for auction. The first item was a picture of his ugly son . . . the picture was an eye-sore. Nobody would bid on the picture . . . then someone bidded $.50 cents to get the auction started. The auctioneer then stated, “Auction is now closed! The one who gets the son, gets it all!”


  6. chadwick Says:

    #12- (This one and #11 are Arminian favorites) A man is in charge of the junction switch at an important location of the train tracks. Normally, he controls the movement of the tracks from his control booth, but one day he discovers the junction control is broken and the track in its current position would send any approaching train off the rails into oblivion. The man hears a passenger train full of people approaching and knows that he will have to hold the manual lever in place personally in order for the train to make it safely across. He strains and holds the lever in the correct position as the train nears the junction. Suddenly, the man’s two year old son wanders into view searching for his dad. Finding him on the other side of the tracks, the young boy runs across to him putting himself directly in the path of the oncoming train. The man’s first instinct is to grab his son, but he knows if he lets go of the lever, the train and all its passengers will perish. The man decides in an instant that the only choice is to save the train and the people inside and allow his son to be sacrificed. The man collapses in tears afterwards, as the train passes on, with the people inside never realizing what had happened a few feet back…

  7. chadwick Says:

    #11- It insinuates that a person haphazardly chose the son!

    The Holy Writ teaches that Christ is the Pearl of Great Price! Precious to His elect!

    #12- It insinutes that God was put in a ‘catch twenty-two.’

    That is foreign to the Holy Scriptures! God willing sent His son for His elect church! The Son willingly died for all those given unto Him by the Father! Everyone that Christ died for will realize what happened at Calvary!

  8. chadwick Says:

    #13- (All-time FREE-WILL CLASSIC) God has done all He can do; He sent His Son! there is nothing else you can do . . . it’s all up to you to decide!

  9. chadwick Says:

    #14- You make the choice. God makes the change! (#2 Free-will classic)

  10. #15.Another Free-will classic.God voted for me,the Devil voted against me,and I cast the deciding vote.

  11. #16.Little Johnny walks in a Florist shop to buy flowers for his mother’s birthday.He only has a quarter that he earned from his early morning paper route.The florist,touched by his story,gives him 6 roses.Little johnny steps out into the street and is run over by a car.With his last breath he says to those around him as he holds the roses in his hand,”Tell mama,I gave my best!Application…John.3:16

  12. pastorinthewoods Says:

    #17- Billy Graham or Bill Poore( you can choose the best name) is waiting for an elevator in a hospital when a beautiful young lady walks up to the elevator next to him. When the door opens he lets her go in and he remains outside so he can avoid all appearances of evil.

    WHen I first heard this during a revival meeting I thought, “Billy Graham must think he is really good looking”

  13. pastorinthewoods Says:

    #18 was told during a student revival in Florida. I hope the young man that I was preaching with that week figured out how terrible this illustration was.

    A man who lost the use of his hand left his fist balled up at his side so long that his finger nails grew into his hand ( that is just weird). That is like the Christian who never exercises his\her faith. ( I STILL DO NOT KNOW THE POINT)


  14. pastorinthewoods Says:


  15. chadwick Says:


    We, at chadwickivester, will get the ball to rolling on the website . . .

    When I get it put together, I will give you a set of administrator keys and we will operate it together! 😉


  16. Quinn Hooks Says:

    What I find interesting about #19 is that the same artist who sang it later had another hit song in which she took revenge on a cheating boyfriend by vandalizing his car. 😉

  17. Quinn Hooks Says:

    And in regards to the original post, I have used #1 and I wonder if there will be banana pudding in heaven. If so, would it have calories? 🙂

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