A Regenerated Church Membership..Guaranteed..

Send a letter to all church members:Get a free tank of gas when you come to a three day special meeting.Door prizes from Chic’fil’a,Hardees,and Chucky cheese each night.

Sun,night..Bailey Smith..”The Tares and the Wheat.”Pastors,their wives,Deacons and their wives,charter members and in-active members will be saved when Bailey preaches this dynamic,totally confusing ,doubt creating sermon.”

Mon.night.We will show J.Harold Smith’s famous sermon..”God’s three dead lines.”Many who were saved on sunday night will be re-baptised on monday night..just to “nail”it down.

Tuesday night.Show film on “Hell.”At the “altar”call tell the people who came foward on sunday night and monday night,that if they have “any doubt”about their salvation…say,”Perhaps you believed in your head sunday night and monday night,but you didn’t really believe in your heart..you need to come.If there is any hesitation say,Many of you who came last night,believed and repented,but you should have repented and then believed..you come and pray the sinner’s prayer.

Have your Deacons prepared to come to the altar.during the invitation.That way it will be easier for others to follow their example in coming foward.If anyone comes for re-dedication,convince them that they are lost and need to be baptised again just to nail it down.Tell them how for years you just thought you were saved but you were not.Make your voice crack with emotion as you tell this story.Get them to write down the date in their Bibles and if they ever doubt their salvation again they can look at this date written in their Bibles and tell the old devil to go away.

Now you will have a Regenerated Church and will have tripled your baptisms.

Be sure and do this annually.It will work everytime.I guarantee it.

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Explore posts in the same categories: Evangelism, Faith., First mega church, satire

2 Comments on “A Regenerated Church Membership..Guaranteed..”

  1. chadwick Says:

    hottub,

    My voice is so cracked that I cannot express my words . . . 😦 😛

    chadwick


  2. Good post.

    The sad thing is that some pastors will read this is and say, “Yes! That is what we must do!”


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