Questions People have about Pastors,and my answers.

There is a re-newed curiosity among people who want to know more about Pastors.Here are some questions and my inspired answers.

1.Ken asked..Do pastors have to go to the bath room?Thanks Ken,thats a good question.The answer is,no we do not.That is one benefit of being a pastor.

2.Jane asked..Where do Pastors get ideas for sermons?Jane,that’s a good question.In the spring and summer we get most of out sermon ideas while riding on our lawnmorers cutting the grass.It seems like sermon ideas just fall out of the air as we go around and around.During the fall and winter months inspired thoughts come to us as we ride around in our cars listening to southern gospel music.

3.Roy asked.How do you study the Bible.Excellent question Roy.I was confident someone would ask that.Roy,at night when we go to bed,it is our custom to kiss the King James Version of the Bible and then we put it under our pillows.While we are sleeping we’re also studying.

4.Chadwick asked.Where do preachers get illustrations and stories?Good question Chad.For the most part we dream about them at night.Whatever we’ve been thinking about is imbellished and impressed in our brain.These illustrations and stories are accurate 95% of the time.But sometimes we get mixed signals.Just the other night,I dreamed the First Baptist Woodstock was giving 10% to the CP.I woke up in a cold sweat and realized this was not true.I went back to sleep and heard the voice of Adrian Rogers saying,“It’s not per-centages that send missionaries out,it’s dollars.”I’m still trying to interpert that but only Joseph could figure that one out.

Bob asked.What is pastor appreciation day?Bob,that’s a day when the church recognizes the pastor and presents him with a gift or a “useless plaque.”After doing that for about two years they discontinue having that special day.They continue Pastor appreciation day when a new pastor comes.But only for 2 years.

5.Jim asked.How do pastors handle stress.Good question jim.We cry a lot ,like Jeremiah.It helps me when I squeel like a pig.In times of high stress,I have my wife shoot me with a stun gun.And for a few moments I get my mind off whatever was causing me stress.Most of the time Patsy will shoot me again just to make sure the first shot worked

6.Sarah…Do pastors pay social security ?No,Sarah,we are exempt.But We have eternal security therefore we do not need social security?

7.Beth…How do you know when a church member is in the hospital? That’s an easy one Beth.We have something like a built in radar system in our brains that alerts us when someone is having a colonoscopy(The colon is that part of the large intestine which extends from the caecum to the rectum).We are also alerted when a church member’s (active or inactive member)>child is having tubes put in its ears.(out patient,in pastor).

8.Jamin….What are the two happiest moments in a pastor’s life..Thanks Jamine…His first day as pastor of a church.He accepts the call..and his last day ..when he resigns.As he leaves he can hear the congregation singing joyfully,“Thank God and greyhound.he’s gone!”

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Explore posts in the same categories: Church restrooms, Church seeking Pastor, Insecure pastors, Questions for pastors, satire, To young pastors, Uncategorized

2 Comments on “Questions People have about Pastors,and my answers.”

  1. James Says:

    Funny!

  2. Delma Says:

    OUTSTANDING!!!!!

    VERY GOOD AND INFORMATIVE. I have always wondered about those subjects.


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