How To Spot An Insecure Pastor In A Southern Baptist Church.

Early Sunday morning he can be seen walking around the Church 7 times pleading with God to send a Pastor search committee.

While sitting on the front pew at 10:55 am he attempts in vain to “look”people in as he constantly looks at the front door thinking surely more will come in if he “looks”hard enough.

When he is away on Wed or Sunday he calls home to see how many were in Sunday School and asks about the offering.When told that attendance and offering was low,he begins to think about a sermon that he’ll preach when he gets home.

When someone takes him aside and says,Pastor,”some of em”are saying thus and thus about you,he worries about who “some of em”are.He doesn’t think to ask,”Who are some of em,?What are their names,?How many are some of em,?Where do they live?Do they tithe?What is their social security number?Why did “some of em “come to you and not to me?” It is impossible to find out who “they”are because usually “they”do not exist or perhaps it is this person’s wife and a few more antagonists.

An insecure Pastor hastens to ask anyone he suspects to be against him,”Have I done anything to offend you.”If I have,please forgive me.”It is not that he has offended..he just perceives that he has because that person didn’t shake his hand after the sermon.

The Pastor who tries to please everyone is insecure and headed for a nervous break down.

When a Pastor asks his wife what she thought of his sermon ,he is not only insecure..he is stupid.What do you think she’s going to say?

Before he brings his sermon,an insecure Pastor,trying to appear humble,will look down and say to the congregation,his eyes focused on the floor,”Pray for us(to humble to say pray for me)We’ve(I’ve) had the flu all week but I’ve asked the Lord to touch me.I’m just a nobody here to tell you about somebody.I just want to get out of the way.Please don’t listen to me..just listen to the Word.Just pray for us and as Elizabeth Taylor said to her last husband,”I won’t keep you long.”

Now before you say,”Hottub,some of em are saying that you are speaking from exprience,I insist on knowing who some of em are and (she)better not be my wife.”

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12 Comments on “How To Spot An Insecure Pastor In A Southern Baptist Church.”

  1. Quinn Hooks Says:

    “When a Pastor asks his wife what she thought of his sermon ,he is not only insecure..he is stupid.What do you think she’s going to say?”

    Hopefully, she doesn’t say it’s better than your next one! LOL 🙂


  2. Quinn,
    Another red flag is when the wife keeps the nursery every week or goes home after Sunday School to make sure she turned the oven off.


  3. Ha! Ha! This was a great post. Well done, my friend!!

  4. pastorinthewoods Says:

    Hey! Now you have stopped preaching and started meddlin’.

    My wife told me that I did good Sunday but I had mispoke and repeated my 1st point as my 3rd point. Its always extra embarrasing when you don’t even remember your mistakes.


  5. Tabitha missed”point.”two.Did she say,”Dwight,you didn’t do that before you earned your D.Min.You need to get Tabitha John Rice’s book on Bobbed hair,Bossy wives,and women preachers.”
    When you preach for Chadwick in a few weeks you will hear his wife(Tina)callChad,Lord when she addresses him.Now there’s an example all wives should emulate.
    bp

  6. pastorinthewoods Says:

    She does not call me LORD and I am just thankful that she doesn’t make the shape of an “L” on her forehead from the balcony on Sunday nights as I preach for “Loser”. My secretary told me yesterday, ” Did you see on the news that women who marry ugly men are more happily married. Tabitha must be really happy!”

    I die daily therefore I am not bitter. At least I am blessed with all boys.

  7. Rev Says:

    “Early Sunday morning he can be seen walking around the Church 7 times pleading with God to send a Pastor search committee.” HA!


  8. Pastorinthewoods,,
    For years I have had to live with comments like this from my wife:
    Bill is more than a man.
    To me ,he is “Mr.Perfect.”
    If the trinity was a quartet,Bill would be the fourth person.
    When Bill dies I will be buried alive with him.
    Bill may very well be an Angel unaware.
    Bill is so smart,”IQ TESTS”TAKE HIM!
    And the list goes on and on and on….
    Uumbly,
    Bill,”Mr.Perfect.”

  9. pastorinthewoods Says:

    Mr. Perfect,

    I remember the first time I heard you preach. I told Tabitha, ” That man has perfect hair!” We can’t all be like you, but we can strive. I am praying for enough money for hairplugs to look like Strom Thurmond when I am 90.

    UUMBLY

    Dwight

  10. Chris Says:

    This is so funny… and true! I have linked this to my blog because I know several people who will get a kick out of this!

    Thanks!

  11. Tsanso Says:

    I myself am a pastor and am on the opinion that no pastor is secure who is pastoring a church without being called. We must realize the fact that Pastoral gift is not a title, but functions. So we know that one need not be entitled as “Pastor” to be in Pastoral ministry on the other hand some one is gifted with Pastoral gift and thus the Church recognized him or her and titled him as Pastor. So it is not a position nor a title of a job. Otherwise it is insecure!

  12. spencer52 Says:

    “When a Pastor asks his wife what she thought of his sermon ,he is not only insecure..he is stupid.” I’ve been preaching for 22 years and only once did I ask my wife this question about 17 years ago. For the past 17 years I have lived with hurt feelings, never again, never again.


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