Alone at the South Carolina Baptist Convention in Florence.SC.

Perhaps you are like me and have no friends.While attending the convention in Florence,you would like others to think that you really not alone:Here are some things to do.

1.During the break when other pastors are huddled up in the hall way,pretend that you are talking on your cell phone.Others will ignore you.

2.Walk at a fast pace  as if you are looking for someone who came with you.Have a disgusted look on your face as you are walking.

3.Stand outside the lady’s rest room and pretend that you are waiting for your wife.Keep looking at your watch with a frustrated look.

4.Stand out side the men’s room and pretend that you are waiting for a friend who came with you.Do NOT tap your foot while you are waiting.

5.Spend a lot of time in the exhibit room looking at books and exhibits. Have a pious look on your face.

6.Talk with Convention employees from the Baptist Building.They will talk to anybody.They have been trained to look as if they are really interested in what you are saying.

7.If possible  take a wheel chair that folds up.During the break sit in it and drink coffee.It will appear that you are waiting on someoneto come back.Try not to make eye contact with others but do not look shifty  eyed

8.While you are seated in the convention center,make it appear that you are saving the seat next to you .If someone asks you,”Is this seat saved?Say no ,but it is under “conviction.”They will give a nervous laugh and leave quickly.

9.Take a large lady’s purse with you and put it in the seat next to you.They will think your wife is with you.

10.Look for me.I’ll be in the highest section of the balcony.There will be a bright red lady’s purse in the seat next to me.

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8 Comments on “Alone at the South Carolina Baptist Convention in Florence.SC.”

  1. pastorinthewoods Says:

    Have the convention credentials people make your name tag say, ” Elder ….” Then wear a short sleeve shirt and a dark bland tie. Top off the wardrobe with a black backpack that has a plain blue KJV Bible stuck in the back mesh pocket, preferably still rapped in plastic. Then stand in the hallways between sessions like you are waiting for someone to stop and talk with you. You probably will not make many friends but it would be an entertaining week.

  2. pastorinthewoods Says:

    By the way I am not going to carry the purse. If you bring it you carry it!


  3. You could put the purse in the back pack.

  4. hwunch Says:

    Those are funny, and I may have to use them. 😉

  5. chadwick Says:

    I may also wear my, “Bill Poore is My Best Friend” Tee-Shirt!

    I will have an entire section to myself! ;D

    chadwick

  6. pastorinthewoods Says:

    Bob Jones Romney for prez T-Shirt- “Romney is my elder, Hillary is my enemy” VOTE ROMNEY

  7. Steve Says:

    I really got a kick out of your list Bill. Loved the “do NOT tap the foot” comment! Here’s an idea, come up with a list that will help me stand out at the convention rather than blend in. I need to meet more high powered political baptists.


  8. Steve,
    One thing you could do that would be effective is this.During the break look for a large group of Pastors.They will be “sharing”about their baptisims,budgets,and staff size.You then will begin to weep uncontollably,loudly,with deep sobs that will cause your whole body to tremble.Pity is highly under rated and tends to draw attention.When others inquire as to what is wrong,tell them about your trials as a Pastor in Kershaw.Now here is what will then take place.Other Pastors will begin to weep and share about their “journey.”Each Pastor will attempt to “top”the other Pastors stories.After about 15 minutes everyone will feel warm and fuzzy because they have “vented”about their journey.You will be the hero and stand out at the Convention.You can easily spot me in the crowd.I’ll be the one weeping and wailing loudly while pulling my teeth and nashing my hair.I feel better already.
    bp


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