Grieving For Dummies.(I’m The Dummy).

Allow me to identify myself. “I am a grieving Father who lost a son.” That is a big part of my identity.

I understand, what Dr.Wolterstorff(author of Lament for a Son)meant when he said,”Rather often I am asked whether the grief remains as intense as when I wrote.The answer is,No.The wound is no longer raw.But it has not disappeared.That is as it should be.If he was worth loving,he is worth grieving over.Grief is existential testimony to the worth of the one loved.That worth abides.So I own my grief.I do not try to put it behind me,to get over it,to forget it.I do not try to dis-own it.If someone asks,’who are you,tell me about yourself,’I say-not immediately,but shortly-‘I am one who lost a son.’That loss determines my identity;not all of my identity,but much of it.It belongs within my story.I stuggle indeed to go beyond merely owning my grief toward owning it redemptively.But I will not and cannot disown it.Lament is a part of life.”

Dr.Wolterstorff wrote this after the tragic death of his Son  who fell to his death from a mountain climbing accident in Germany.He was 25 years old.

My wife,Patsy and I lost our son,Jay ,33 in Jan.He died suddenly with an acute heart attack.Jay was married to Seoun mi and had a six month old daughter,Haley.Jay taught school in South Korea.

Yesterday I received a copy of Jay’s autopsy.I re-lived his tragic death.I am learning that grief affects us mentally,physically and spiritually.Someone has said that when you lose a loved one,all you have is memories and pictures.Perhaps thats true.But we also have joy and grief,hope and grace,questions and sometimes answers…But mostly silence.

We “Dummies” who are grieving do not ask for your sympathy.We invite you to be patient with us in our grieving process,and ‘thanks’for listening.You will never know how much that helps.

Bill(A Grieving Dummy).

Explore posts in the same categories: How to grieve., Jay Poore

2 Comments on “Grieving For Dummies.(I’m The Dummy).”

  1. Steve Says:

    Thanks for this insight to personal grief

  2. dwight easler Says:


    We are praying for you and Patsy. I appreciate your openess about your feelings. None of us can truly know how you feel but you help us know how to endure with faith by letting us learn with you.

    God Bless and always know you have friends who love you


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