Ten Rules For Respect.

Charles W.Christian is minister at Canby Chapel Church of the Nazarene in Canby OR.

Charles shares 10 principles that have transformed the way their church communicates.They now form a covenant signed each year by all the leaders,including the pastor.

1.If you have a problem with me,come to me (privately).

2.If I have a problem with you,I’ll come to you(privately).

3.If someone has a problem with me and comes to you,send them to me.(I’ll do the same for you).

4.If someone consistently will not come to me,say, “Let’s go to the pastor together.I am sure he will se us about this.”(I will do the same for you).

5.Be careful how you interpret me_I’d rather do that.On matters that are unclear,do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts.It is easy to misinterpret intentions.

6.I will be careful how I interpret you.

7.If it’s confidential,don’t tell.(This especially applies to board meetings).If you are anyone comes to me in confidence,I won’t tel unless(a)the person is going to harm himself/herself..(b)the person is going to physically harm someone else,(c) a child has been physically or sexually abused.I expect the same from you.

8.I do not read unsigned letters or notes.

9.I do not manipulate;I will not be manipulated;do not let others manipulate you.Do not let others try to manipulate me through you.I will not preach “at” you on Sunday mornings.I will leave conviction to the Holy Spirit(He does it better anyway).

10.When in doubt,just say it.The only dumb questions are those that don’t get asked.We are a family here and we care about each other,so if you have a concern,pray,and then (if led) speak up.If I can answer it without misrepresting something or breaking a confidence,I will.

While they have not eliminated every problem,the principles have provided a strong foundation for loving,Christlike communication.

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3 Comments on “Ten Rules For Respect.”

  1. chadwick Says:


    Should we or should we not leave “papertrails?” 🙂

  2. Please see number 10.

  3. Steve Says:

    HTR, I really liked this article. Thanks for bringing it to us. I’ll probably repost this someday on my blog.

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