Worship Wars

The first murder in the Bible was caused by a controversy over how to worship(see Gen.4.Cain and Abel).

Controversies involving styles of worship are widespread.There are those who want a contemporary worship experience and those who want a traditional worship service.Then of course there are churches who have sought to find a “middle”ground and have “blended”services.(now thats a hoot).

Now in the traditional service men wear suits and ties and there shoes are shined.Ladies dress modestly and act in a dignified manner.Little children colour in their books or fall asleep during the service.Sometimes dad will catch a nap with the kids.In the traditional service they still sing from the hymnals(I like that).Announcements are made and the offering is taken in the middle of the service.An invitation is given at the end of the service.After which the pastor rushes to his study,takes off his tie and puts on a sport shirt and blue jeans.

The contemporary service is a “fun “loose as a goose”service.Most participants dress casual and many have on”flee market apparal”There is no boring choir but instead there are praise bands,drums and all.You stand a lot and raise your hands and sway with a far away look in your eyes.Actually you have to be in pretty good physical shape to stand,sway and repeat EL-Shaddi 500 times.There are no announcements except the ones that are projected on the wall.This gives more time to stand and sway and look spiritual.The sermon is filled with jokes,stories and inductive messages that are non threatning.

At the conclusion of the service as they make their way to the parking lot they make fun of the traditional crowd,not knowing that the traditional group made disparaging remarks about them also an hour ago.

Then there is the “blended” service.Now the poor pastor doesn’t know what to wear.One week he wears a tuxedo and the next week a cowboy hat.

In  this service the music is blended(what a disaster).

There is “Southern”gospel.Good doctrinal songs like, “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now,I’ve got to make it to heaven somehow.”(forget Titus.3:5.)Then there is, “I’m building a bridge and If anyone makes it Lord surely I will.One favorite is, “Just build my cabin next door to Jesus.”

The choir sings in the blended service.Half of the choir members wear robes and the other half are dressed for the flee market.

The congregation signs one song out of the hymnal and the other song is a chorus like Do Lord,oh Do Lord,Do remember me.Sometimes the music director will have the men to say Do Lord and the women will say remember me.Then the church votes to decide who did the best..the men or the women?

The blended sermon is expository,textual,topical,deductive and inductive.InThe first part of the sermon the pastor stands behind the pulpit(like Jesus and Paul did).Half way through the sermon he sits on a stool(much like a comode in a bathroom)and finally he walks up and down the aisle at the end of the service.

At the conclusion the blended crowd in the parking lot gossip about the Traditional and contemporary crowd.On the way home they hum,I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey  now and Do Lord.

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3 Comments on “Worship Wars”

  1. The blended sermon:
    The pastor uses the KJV for the first part of his sermon, then he switches to the Message Bible for the second part of the sermon.

    Also, the preacher will do the “Fruitland YELL” & “Holy Grunt” during the first part . . . then he will be soft-spoken and tinkerbellish for the second part of the sermon

  2. Justin Says:

    When did Jesus and Paul preach behind a pulpit? I understand that you favor a traditional service, but you’re poisoning the well in favor of a disparaging view of contemporary and blended services when the “traditional” service itself was at one time the “contemporary” service. Besides, your example of the songs of the blended service that don’t have strong theology isn’t accompanied by the example of songs that the traditional service sings as well, such as “He Lives” whch says “you ask me how I know He [Jesus] lives, He lives within my heart”, favoring a fiedistic view. But it was fun while it lasted!

  3. Justin,I can’t re-call any passage where Jesus preached behind a pulpit.However,he did preach while sitting in a boat.Perhaps I’ll try that this sunday.after we sing El-Shaddi a million times as we sway back and forth as if we were in a trance.Then right before the sermon we always sing,”Jesus takes a frown and turns it upside down,and ooops,out comes a smile.”Thanks for your comments.

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